Delivery 8 December 2009

Raf sent me chocolates from Hokkaido. With a note.

"For christmas, new year, and probably next valentine."

I thanked him but bewildered. The choclate part is sweet. but from Hokkaido??!

Lesson 2

Life to a child is everything he touches, hears and smells until they grow to discriminate and hate.

(Aku, 2009)

The Boy in Striped Pyjama

Berlin 1942

When Bruno returns home from school one day, he discovers that his belongings are being packed in crates. His father has received a promotion and the family must move from their home to a new house far far away, where there is no one to play with and nothing to do. A tall fence running alongside stretches as far as the eye can see and cuts him off from the strange people he can see in the distance.

But Bruno longs to be an explorer and decides that there must be more to this desolate new place than meets the eye. While exploring his new environment, he meets another boy whose life and circumstances are very different to his own, and their meeting results in a friendship that has devastating consequences.

When his family arrive at Aushwitz, Bruno and his 12-year-old-sister are conveniently the only children in the vicinity, other than those on the other side of the fence. This again stretches credibility because historical records show that about 6,000 SS officers were posted at Auschwitz, so it seems extremely unlikely that other children would not have been around. Then there is the issue of how Bruno could posesibly have talked with his friend on the other side of the fence for months without being seen, or ever comprehending that Shmuel is starving (he absentmindedly brings him food from time to time but usually ends up eating most of it on the way). Not to mention the inconvenient detail that by 1943 most young children arriving at the camps were gassed on arrival (the book jacket pegs the year being 1942, but various references point to it being 1943).

(bookbrowse.com)

Its a good watch if youre a fan of the russian-germans war history, genocide issue. Even if youre not, It is still a good watch. It potrays the human meaning in humanity and how childhood innocence is the only hope in this corrupted world of ours. I may sound exaggerating but this is it. Fikirlah sendiri. Kadang-kadang, tak, memang aku penat dengan birokrasi dan dokma-dokma orang-orang besar yang menggariskan keperluan itu dan ini, memaklumkan perang bukan dengan grenad dan mk14, tapi pengekstrakan tenaga dan pelelahan minda umat kecil yang optimum. Sakit.

Maka bercita-citalah aku menjadi orang yang besar.

Miles Away

I just woke up from a fuzzy dream
You never would believe those things that I had seen
I looked in the mirror and I saw your face
You looked right through me, you were miles away

All my dreams they fade away
I'll never be the same
If you could see me the way you see yourself
I can't pretend to be someone else

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we're at our best when we're miles away

So far away

When no one's around then I have you here
I begin to see the picture, it becomes so clear
You always have the biggest heart,
When we're six thousand miles apart

Too much of no sound
Uncomfortable silence can be so loud
Those three words are never enough
When it's long distance love

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we’re at our best when we're miles away

So far away

I'm alright, don't be sorry, but it's true
When I'm gone you'll realize
That I'm the best thing that happened to you

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we're at our best when we're miles a-a-away...

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we're at our best when we're miles away

So far away

Madonna

alas.

congratulation ashraf rafael azhar
on his first batch of iownus to taiwan
and his sipi second engangement to surikalia marthias

and

tahniah kepada saya juga
kerana t.i.d.a.k yang berjaya

Big Day
owarimashta.

30 NOV 2009

Big day.

remembering

inaccountably

i missed seri puteri.out of the blue.the air,the stairs, the timidness,classes,practice,the people,the comrad.

oh yes.i misses them.dearly.

My Cure and Medicine

Seperti biasanya, jarang-jarang aku mengemaskini ini mukasurat dikala hujung minggu. Dua sebab untuk itu. 1. malas. 2. broadbang ibuku suda hilang.

Pun begitu, aku pasnya cek post-post terdahulu. 1 sebab untuk itu. Pastinya ada yang menambahbaik ruangan komen (suprisingly i look forward to that everyday). Juga, 1 sebab untuk itu. Ia pastinya sangat menghiburkan. Sungguh. Terus memberi sebab untuk aku kesini setiap pagi, tengah hari dan kadang-kadang kala malam bulan mengambang.

P/s: Kadang-kadang aku ketanyaan gmana rasanya punya banyak yang ngikut blognya kerana aku punya dalam bilangan jari saja. Suka barangkali. heh. Sibuk juga yang pasti. Lelah ah.

ralat

ok aku ngaku. donghae kiutttttttt sangat.

bencana besar

akaun gue merejek elaunnya oktober. gampang bangat sih. apaan.

the damnest thing

i have no patience for technology.

my phone passed out and recovered itself yesterday. the second time it did. how it died? i was trying to feed it with a few text pages i googled. too much of reading perhaps, it died on me so well and reboot itself. so all it left me yesterday was whatever was saved in the 2G outlet and a scrap of plastic casing with numbered pads.

how i despise csl yesterday. the only thing i didnt do was drown it. which i wouldve regret if i did. the messages, the vip list, best bud, james and monalisa are gone good. GONE.

i swear im gonna sell this phone cheap if it ever dies on me again. damn i will. thousand times i will.

to whoever reads this, gimme a call watever. i need to rebuild my communication network.

Character of the Happy Warrior

Who is the happy warrior?
Who is he, whom evey man in arms should wish to be?
It is the generous spirit, who when brought among the task of real life
hath wrought, upon the plan that pleased his childish thought
Whose high endeavours are inward light
that make the path before him always bright
Who, with a natural instinct to discern
what knowledge can perform, is diligent to learn
abides by this resolves, and stop not there

But makes his moral being his prime care
Who, doomed to go in company with pain
and fear, and bloodshed, miserable train
Turns his necessity to glorious gain
in face of these doth exercise a power
which is our human-nature's highest dower
controls them and subdues, transmutes, bereaves
of their bad influence,and their good receives
By objects, which might force the soul to abate
her feeling, rendered more compassionate

is placable because occasions rise
So often that demand such sacrifice
more skilful in self-knowledge, even more pure
As temptedd more, more able to endure
as more exposed to suffering and distress
Thence, also more alive to tenderness
this he whose law is a reason
who depends upon that law as on the best of friends
Whence, in a state where men are tempted stil
to evil for a guard against worse ill

and what in quality or act is best
Doth seldom on a right foundation rest
he fixes good on good alone, and owes
to virtue every triumph that he knows
Who, if he rise to station of command
rises by open means, and there will stand
on honourable terms, or else retire
and in himself possess his own desire
who comprehends his trust, and to the same
Keep faithful with a singleness of aim

and therefore does not stoop nor lie in wait
For wealth, or honors, or for worldly state
Whom they must follow, on whose head must fall
Like showers of manna, if they come at all
Whose powers shed round him in the common strife
or mild concerns of ordinary life
a constant influence, a peculiar grace
but who, if he be called upon to face
some awful moment to which heaven has joined
Great issues, good or bad for human-kind

is happy as a lover, and attired
with sudden brightness like a man inspired
and through the heat of conflict keeps the law
In calmness made, and sees what he foresaw
or if an unexpected call succeed
Come when it will, is equal to the need
He who, though thus endued as with a sense
an faculty for storm and turbulence
is yet a soul whose master bias leans
To home-felt pleasures and to gentle scenes

Sweet images
which, wheresoever he be
are at his heartand such fidelity
It is his darling passion to approve
more brave for this, that he hath much to love
Tis, finally, the Man who, lifted high
conspicous object in a Nation's eye
or left unthought- of in obscurity
Who, with a toward or untoward lot,
Prosperous or adverse, to his wish or not
plays, in the many games of life, that one

Where what he most doth value must be won
whom neither shape of anger can dismay
nor thought of tender happiness betray
Who, not content that former worth stand fast
looks forward, persevering to the last
from well to better, daily self-surpast
Who whether praise of him must walk the earth
for ever, and to noble deeds give birth
or he must go to dust without his fame
and leave a dead unprofitable name

Finds comfort in himself and in his cause
and, while the mortal mist is gathering, draws
his breath in confidence of Heaven's applause
This is the happy warrior, this is
He whom every man in arms should wish to be.

Not-Mine
Poems in Two Volumes

------------

To my best buds
Efi Aqis
and my loyal listener
Ashraf Rafael Azhar
and everyone dear at heart

This is to life
and the possibilities it hath
To the journey past and to come
To remind us of what we are and not
what we can and not
be

Audacious

Whos afraid of the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf.

Whos afraid of the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf

Not I.

Burgenomics, they say.

The world’s most expensive and cheapest McDonald’s

Monday Starters - By Soo Ewe Jin

AS if Iceland does not have enough problems, McDonald’s has just announced the closure of its three restaurants there and said it has no plans to return.

Apparently, most of the ingredients used by McDonald’s in this crisis-hit country are imported from Germany and the franchise holder would have to raise prices by at least 20% to produce an acceptable profit.

The story was important enough to make it to the front page of the Financial Times on Oct 27.

According to the report, for McDonald’s to stay profitable in Iceland, the Big Mac there would have to be priced above US$5.75, which is what it costs in Switzerland, home to the most expensive Big Mac, according to the Big Mac index.

The Big Mac index is published by The Economist as an informal way of measuring the purchasing power parity (PPP) between two currencies and provides a test of the extent to which market exchange rates result in goods costing the same in different countries.

You can get a good exposition of how this index works, including its limitations, by referring to Tan Sri Dr Lin See Yan’s column on July 25 entitled “Burgernomics and the ringgit”.

Since this column is not into heavy economic stuff, I was more interested to find out where the most expensive and cheapest Big Macs are to be found.

As of February this year, the most expensive burgers were in Norway (US$5.79), Switzerland (US$5.60), Denmark (US$5.07), Sweden (US$4.58) and Eurozone (US$4.38).

Now, here’s the interesting part. According to the same index, Malaysia (US$1.70) actually ranks No 1 among the five most affordable Big Macs, ahead of Hong Kong (US$1.71), China (US$1.83), Thailand (US$1.86) and Sri Lanka (US$1.95).

To be frank, I am not a real fan of fast food but when I am overseas and am at a loss as to what to eat, it is quite comforting to be able to step into a McDonald’s, KFC or Pizza Hut outlet, and order familiar items.

We also have to understand why some of our overseas friends do not like to be too adventurous with our wide array of Malaysian hawker fare, especially when they are on a short trip. There’s nothing worse than having to repeatedly run to the toilet because their stomachs are not accustomed to our delicious, spicy stuff.

Still on the same subject, I am trying to figure out why the fast-food joints are increasing the number of their 24-hour outlets.

In my neighbourhood, they compete with the Syeds and other 24-hour teh tarik outlets, and for the life of me, I cannot imagine anyone preferring a snack plate of original recipe chicken over a piping hot bowl of sup kambing in the hours after midnight, or a Big Mac over the Ramly burger sold at the roadside stall.

But they have obviously done their research, and I suppose my preferences are fast being overtaken by more global taste buds. That may well impact on the Burgernomics figures eventually, since prices are determined to a large extent by supply and demand.

I like to think that I’m doing my bit to keep Malaysia in the top ranking for most affordable Big Macs – by sticking to my teh tarik and roti canai during EPL matches.

·Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin continues to wonder why Iceland is greener than Greenland while Greenland is more covered in snow than Iceland.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Malaysia's Big Mac's one of the cheapest. I didnt know this. Cheap...How much cheap is cheap and how expensive is expensive? To count again, the cost and the calories, id rather stick to sup kambing and teh tarik. well, might as well not for the calories, but the costs of a Malaysian upbringing.

-blip-

Nana told me to write. Say its like a therapy to sharpens my focus.

But ive nothing to write. Im focused.

Ill get back to you when ive got good things and thoughts to write. I will.

Curtain Fall

Its funny. Cause i just post in how i appreciates you, few days ago.

Dont get me wrong. I dont hate you. I dont hate you then, even. Im just sorry. to me. I liked us. We came out of all the oddest event that can only come out in movies (mostly be played by megan fox or katherine heigl. seriously). and how often can that happen? In my life line, once.

So here i go. To the better half of me, the sweetest and impulsive person ive ever known, good luck for the future youre planning and be blessed. and thank you. hi and low. for seeing me, for all i am and all i have.

Thank You. and thank YOU

Tides.

Long.

is how i left this page unwritten.

Time.

is something that i do not have.or wasted in ways i do not favor.but done.

Strength.

is gone when they gave me 3 banners, 2 booklet and no real knowledge in slicing a template.

Now.

is a long work trip thats eating my time like cancer and draining my strenght like a slug feeding on a frenzy meal.

but

HIM

is the reason im holding on to every bits and pieces of whats left to see and smile and be content.

pending.

Should i put my stat on hiatus? ill be hectic for the few couple of weeks. should i? ill think about it.

im turning insane for the time being. insane and tired.

Eid Mubarak.

Raya hasnt been much for me this time around. Well, it hasnt been for the last few years actually. Except for the food and series of out-of-the-original tv program, theres not quite anything to raya compare to ramadan.

But theres one thing I love about my raya. We'll be going round visiting relatives and my parents long lost friends. Yes, its really tiring but its a must. I think raya is the only id get to meet friends and relatives of the family that i never knew. To know that theres some good-looking, handsome people in the family tree. Its good to know. Especially when you go in convo, lines of cars visiting a house at one time. Its RAYA i tell you.

And thats just it. Its a celebration of food and people for me. and lots of forgiveness-giving.

Selamat Hari Raya.
Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

to all.

Kejiranan

Something to munch and ponder upon.

Cemburu, kecil hati cetus kecewa
"RAMAI anak muda hari ini tidak faham sejarah, mereka meluahkan kemarahan kerana laporan media massa yang sungguh kuat di sini dan tiada saluran komunikasi dari Malaysia yang memberi penjelasan serta- merta. Pada masa sama ramai juga yang marah dengan sikap rakyat Malaysia, kerana memandang rendah kepada kami. Mentang-mentang banyak rezeki kami peroleh dari anda, janganlah kami dilayan seperti orang tidak berada." [+]

So near yet so far. These grumbling issues of songs and hatred between us Malaysian and Indonesia didnt just happened yesterday or the week before. True. We go history back. and much more in the present. The same goes with Singapore too i guessed. Were the colonial cousin that kills over a flying toy.

We gotta stop doing this, dengki mendengki stuff. Were gonna die of it soon.

..and counting.

September 16th 2009

[e]

EPIK HIGH 6th ALBUM

Yang Jauh kuDekatkan.

Buat Han Geng dan rakan- rakan.

Balqisto efi mo. Terutama.

http://fannieforfuyo.blogspot.com

Pasti kamu menjadi kawan yang terbaik dalam dunia ini. Musuh mungkin juga. Tapi pasti baik.Untuk semua.

When Responsibility is just Another

Dihalang ambil UPSR

Oleh Mohamad Hussin
mohamad@hmetro.com.my

GURUN: “Saya sangat sedih apabila guru mengatakan pada anak saya buat kotor kertas peperikaaan saja sekiranya anak saya mengambil peperiksaan Ujian Pencapaian Sekolah Rendah (UPSR), baru-baru ini.

“Saya tahu anak saya kurang cerdik, tetapi janganlah dia cakap macam itu. Lebih kecewa guru terbabit kata kalau tak datang satu hari peperiksaan, tidak payah datang langsung,” kata Rohani Ahmad, 45, ibu kepada Mohd Khairul Anuar Md Isa, 12, yang mendakwa anaknya takut ke sekolah kerana ‘fobia’ dengan kata-kata guru Sekolah Kebangsaan (SK) Paya Mengkuang, kelmarin.

Rohani berkata, dia kesal dengan tindakan pihak sekolah kerana cuba mempermainkan anaknya sehingga dia takut untuk ke sekolah.

“Beberapa hari sebelum menduduki peperiksaan UPSR Selasa lalu, Mohd Khairul ada cakap dengan saya seorang guru bagi tahu supaya tidak perlu datang ke sekolah.

“Dia takut untuk ke sekolah pada hari pertama peperiksaan kerana gurunya pesan supaya jangan datang kerana buat kotor kertas peperiksaan saja.

“Hari kedua saya cuba pujuk dia lagi, tetapi Mohd Khairul tetap berkeras tidak mahu ke sekolah kerana takut dengan guru sekolah,” katanya yang ditemui di rumahnya di Kampung Paya Mengkuang, semalam.

Katanya, pada hari kedua peperiksaan itu, suaminya Md Isa Ahmad, 52, turut menghantar anaknya ke sekolah berkenaan, tetapi sebaik tiba di hadapan pintu sekolah anaknya tidak mahu masuk dan berkeras mahu balik ke rumah.

“Saya sedih sangat sebab anak saya diperlakukan demikian...walaupun dia kurang cerdik, tetapi berilah dia peluang untuk mengambil peperiksaan ini.

“Saya memang tidak berpuas hati dengan pengurusan sekolah. Sepatutnya pihak sekolah menghubungi waris sekiranya terdapat murid mereka yang gagal hadir bagi menduduki peperiksaan UPSR,” katanya yang bekerja sebagai operator pengeluaran di sebuah kilang plastik.

Sementara itu, Guru Besar SK Paya Mengkuang, Hasnah Hussin yang berada di rumah keluarga Mohd Khairul memohon maaf dan menganggap kejadian itu salah faham.

“Saya merayu supaya perkara ini tidak dipanjangkan kerana ia berlaku akibat salah faham. Sudah menjadi kelaziman kepada guru sekolah untuk mengingatkan murid mereka supaya menghadiri kertas peperiksaan UPSR.

“Mungkin guru itu cuma melawak saja, tetapi Mohd Khairul menganggap perkara itu serius."

“Ia sebagai peringatan kepada semua murid supaya jangan ponteng pada hari peperiksaan nanti. Saya mohon maaf kerana salah faham itu.

“Bagi pihak sekolah juga kami berusaha untuk merujuk Mohd Khairul ke sekolah khas,” katanya.

--------

Why do they do that? Why demean his integrity? Why kill his spirit?

Because he's stupid thus hes hopeless? Because he's a speck in the hall tainting his own answer sheets? Who are they to decide his future unworthy? Who are they to say he's stupid? Who are they to tell him he's worthless?

His Teachers. A TEACHER.

For the love of god, hes only 12. 12. and already they're telling him hes not worth of even trying? I don't know what other feels reading this yesterday but it shaded my conscience of the community i'm living in today. We talk of innovation, preservation and humanity for future generation yet we kill the intelligence behind tomorrows prospect. or maybe the innovation and preservation we're deciding on does not concludes those with the iQ below than 50 and poorer?

And oh, they're sorry?? "Mungkin guru itu cuma melawak saja, tetapi Mohd Khairul menganggap perkara itu serius."?!! Hell to you. How should he to know his teacher was joking. and a too cruel and extremely synical to be a statement. Mohd Khairul digested so. When did synical teasing became a tool in effective education. Is that what's replacing rotans and detention? Maybe cause the teaching responsibility today grew to be more than a b cs. Maybe they had too much and decided that those damn kids don't deserve the patience.

But that doesn't give them the right to kill his confidence. the same as you kill a person. TEACHERS they call themselves but they KILLED a kid. That kid is even scared to set foot to school. How would you think hed live from now on? How does his education goes? Physical injuries heals and vanish, but what scarred doesnt. It could take forever for him to redeem himself his own lost faith. God. Dont his teachers know how every human is made of flesh, brain and emotion? He lived only for a 12 damn years to be told he's worthless. Curse those grown ups. Damn those teachers.

I'm not a mother,nor do i have much interaction with kids around me but as far as i see it, kids are kids until theyre able to know whats right and wrong, whether to take or to leave. They see things through our eyes until then. and having said ours are people much older than them, adults. They listen to us untill they're petty enough to deny and storm off at our commands. We tell them don't, never and do. Not they're insignificant and stupid.

Hes only 12. For all we know, he might be stupid now and to him 2+2 don't add up to 4. But thats just how everybody started. Hopefully, and personally, i strongly hope that hed grew up to be someone great and powerful. Be then he'd come back and tell off those teachers and buys their lifes' off. I hope he does.

A Poignant Obsession

Can you have something thats not yours?

You can. Hard work and a little brain buys you through.and a little effort. But that depends. How far are you willng to go to make it yours? How hard are you willing to work to own it? Theres always a way in everything. Like, theres always a cure to every disease.

I've to say, the best determination is powered by desire and emotions. The human sense towards another individual, be dead or alive, is amazing. We'd protect others like no steel is stronger, we'd run like no cheetah could, we'd jump off buildings raging love, we'd die trying. Our courage is mighty enough to start another Napolean War. We die, live and die again.

But to some point, there is always a limitation where can't is big in CAPITAL. Theres an end to each start, a price to every effort. Sometimes a NO stays NO, no matter how hard you try. As they say, the sky is the limit. Thats when all became worthless. and pointless. The point of trying, even.

But again, the human ability, confound a world larger than life. We don't stop. We never do. The human obsession is absurd. We'd steal, kidnap, kill and be killed to have what the heart desires.

The heart.

Lets not start on that. Its endless.

iranai

Ototoimade, i had a lot to write. the bazaar, the merdeka, assignments, tesco, ashraf. ototoimade, dake.

ima.

My mind went blank. My words are missing. My thoughts worthless.

im at lost.

Where to begin?

Merdeka

Yesterday was 31st. A quiet 31st August.

I had a three day off, the weekends and the eventful merdeka day on monday. Nothing special happened but i came across a very familiar sight on merdeka eve.

I was driving home from tesco.bought a few cans of coffee to keep me awake throught the night.I need to finish off a few work which i couldve done on the satruday but i didnt. Had to take it till the last day of holidays to settle.You see, to me, holidays are sacred. No work is forceful,rightful enough to be mentioned on my sacred day. So, i sorta trying to finish off last week matters that night.

As it happened, i came across a group of cyclers with flags tied to the tyres and handles.Think theyre from kampung sebelah. A whole gang of indian boys, aged in their teens carrying backpacks and water bottles. So i gave them a headlight and thumbs up as i pass by. They made noises. They must be going on some merdeka tour or something cause i had the same thing back when i was 12. not exactly the same event going on, just the mind set.

We had kak dilah stayed over that night. We were living in Setapak then. So as innocent as we could be, we planned something out. Something for us to boast to our favourite friends the next day we wake up. Innocent at 12 and 14, our world was flat and square. We count down-ed and waiting for 12 pm. The moment midnight came, we pronounced "yea.tade sape jage sampai kul 12!!! Merdeka!". As if 12 was the 12th hour (?). We cheered, talk and laugh till 1230. By 1235, our innocent soul cant take the heap. We were all asleep. The next day, ma dad scolded us for being noisy at 12.

It was funny looking back. I learn something good that night, worth staying up for; the earth is round and bold, no matter how you see it. I got wiser by the midnight.Hah.funny. So as i got home, id hope the kids learned what i did and not get scolded for what theyre doing. Let them and their spirits of merdeka cycle through town. Let them learn.

puasalah.puasa itu mendidik jiwa.dan mengancam anak tekak.

bile puasa, semua jadi sedap. tak larat tak larat pun, bazar 5 km habis jalan- cendol, sirap,ayam golek-semua sapu. bile malam, teraweh memanggel-manggel, rasa macam berat saja mate nak tengok jalan. jalan kebenaran.

diatas tu semua bukan aku. aku g teraweh. sungguhpun ada dalam 2 3 malam yang terlepas, aku g teraweh. walaupun penat aku, tuhan saja yang tahu.hallah~macam orang lain tak penat.betul. semua orang lain pun penat. tapi diorang sume tak balik ngan ayah aku. derang tak naek honda crv bhm tu. diorang tak tahu cane aku tak sabar nak angkat kete sendirik, carik keje lain.

tapi bulan ramadan ni, bulan menahan diri. bulan mengawal nafsu. jadi aku pun menerima keadaan semua diatas dengan redha dengan fikiran 'things could be worst but it didnt'. mungkin klo tade crv bapaku itu aku nek bas g keje, tapi tidak. mungkin klo aku tak keje kat sini, aku sedang berenak-enakan di rumah tapi tidak (sungguhpun gaji tidak masok lagi, aku redha juge). jadi, ramadan kali ni kasi aku besyukur lebeh lagi. ramadan yang kutunggu.

tapi jujur aku cakap, satu hal ni aku tak boleh terime jugak. satu-satunya hal yang aku tak bley terime.

kejadian ni berlaku dalam jangka masa kemarin, dalam peak hour bebuke pwase. puase kali ni aku teringin sokmo nak makan tau fu fa.soya rebus dalam air gula tu. nak sangat. jadi aku minta mak beli tau fu fa kat bazaar pekan. mak pun beli. mak memang best. bile balik keje tengok ada atas meja bebuka, jiwa ni rase keriangan, kesungguhan untuk bebuke tu jadi membuak2.

azan pun bunyi.

aku pun buke.tau fu fa oh tau fu fa.tapi jiwa keriangan aku tadi mati.terus.aku jadi murka.

apsal tau fu fa mak cik ni tak manis??!!

terus aku angkat air semayang, solat maghrib. dalam doa aku selitkan agar mak cik tau fu fa tadi dikurniakan gula yang melimpah ruah.

amin.

a moment of silence

uncle chen died.yesterday.

R.I.P

oh how time goes

All year round,theres a couple of month that id be looking forward to; August and Ramadan.

August is practically my birth month thus the celebration. Why i anticipated august too is that, itll be colorful.Always.kot.aAt least in Malaysia for the last few years back.Why? Merdeka month people, Malaysia Independence day.Theyll have all this benderas and decoration all over places; on the car, across the boot, rooftop anywhere.But i noticed this time around the celebration aint that meriah.Not like years before where youd see car flagging everywhere.Id say its a rare sight now.Most of the cars going round town now seem blank and car-ry (or have i been in the wrong part of town i dont know).Like the usual month we spend every year.I gave it some thought and ive come to some conclusion that either maybe because the price of flags are expensive these days or they find it too troublesome too stick up a flag on their luxurious car.Or maybe people already got too many things on their hands now, h1n1,economic turmoil,stuff, that they cant be bothered by anything anymore.sad thing.

And how ramadans here again.Finally.Personally,im not too excited of having raya.Not quite the type to go for tat nenas, semprit, almond london and what not.Its just that,i dont know, maybe since its a blessful month,itd get very blissed.Pure tranquility.Theres just so much,how should i say,the value of a human, being expressed.The other side that you thought you wouldnt have.I dont know.It just seem so to me.Other than that,oh the bazaar.God youd never guessed how much we Malaysian are so diversed in food-nation.Its like the whole highway Karak mesmerised in tau fu fa, ayam golek, lemang, rendang, tepung pelita- you name them all.EVERYTHING.Peh.Im so thankful born Malaysian yo.So much for 1 Malaysia.

How fast time travels.Another year gone to be.And i still hate growing up.

xenophobia

xen·o·phobic
n. fear or contemptuous of that which is foreign, especially of strangers or foreign peoples.

xen·o·phobe
n. A person unduly fearful or contemptuous of that which is foreign, especially of strangers or foreign peoples.

Think i develop this over time.Fear of people and all living organism.to think back i really did.i mean i cant even hold a fish back in labs then. and i learn to be a marine BIOLOGIST.whats a marine biologist without their fishes? think i really did. oh. now i remember. its all becoming clear now (scripting). thats why i ventured to mba. cant handle the fear.

p/s:funny to think ive been killed by a fish.

Lesson 1

Lesson 1 (Map of the Human Soul)

Do we learn math to add the dead's sum?
Subtract the weak ones, count cash for great ones?
We multiply but divide the nation.
Break down like fractions, send our sons away to die
Do we learn science in defiance of faith?
To make alliance with fakes for an appliance's sake?
We ask for the real to make artificial intelligence
To make smarter [?] above the presidents.
(Why) do we learn history to fix stories for the guilty?
Make angels look filthy and the devils look milky?
If the victory writes the books, then what have we won?
Are we battleships for authorship, a rich man's guns?
Do we learn to read to receive the lies to deceive the eyes
from seeing between the lines.
We use words to bring forth sticks and stones to sing psalms of hate
that fill the streets with bones.
Unseen or heard, a king with words (Tablo)
Lyrical assassin Make me vision the better livin' (I'm the truth)
Is our day job more than self-slavery?
When we're locked watching the clock impatiently
we sweat for the dollar bills, the checks and the credit cards
but the dollar kills, breaks the necks of our inner hearts
if the police are role models for the righteous
why does justice depend on guns and nightsticks?
Mr. officer don't punish me, with brutality
These streets got me singing Marvin Gaye off-key
Why do we need church to get to heaven's gates?
Can holy water quench the thirst of those whose fates
Started in the wrong place with the wrong face?
Can the poor and the hungry survive solely on grace?
Can this rap game ever bring changes?
When MCs would rather floss a cross than be saviors?
Will I last in this game, be blasted with shame
Will I stand for my name and never blaspheme for fame?

Mine Alone

Some one ask me.why arent people following my blog.

Let me clarify again.i created this in the first not for anybodys pleasure.just mine and mine alone to let out and give in whatevers holding me down; thoughts for my own soul. But if it does, in case it does, cross your mind and made you think, ill be glad be made the trigger. Just dont judge me for what my innocent, immature thoughts has to think.

But to think of it, most likely my infamous stand made it way to my secluded existence. haha. Another victim of community racism.

Grow up, Grow old.

There's a saying, the older you get,the wiser you become.do you?

Say you gets older,do you throw away those habits you had when you were younger? Do you stop stop doing things you do when youre a year older? No. Hell no.not for me. id still wake up on the weekends tuning on to chucky and angelica and monster from the backyard, crave over vanilla filling panda heads and chocolate sticks.I dont change.I cant change. Should i?

When i was growing up, i told my peeps, id like to be an artist, bring art and mountains to life. Then i grew up. At 12, i wanted to be a writer, to write and tell stories, to make a statement of how things are and could be. 15, i realised literature in this state cant get me fancy house and big cars, so i go with cells and blood. Grown up again, i thought id stick to the language literacy and hope the best i could get some luck out of it. But truely, life is something you plan, He made it destined. 2004 I flunked SPM, missed my interviews and they gave me MARINE BIOLOGY after matriculation. Never in my life, did it cross my mind to dive 22m ocean deep and getting all the planktons swimming side by side. I grew up clueless. I changed unnoticed.

Life has that affect on you. They change you out, in, up, down whichever way they could. They grow you. They feed you fake and fantasy, truth and lies. They gave you reality in the end. They show you BMW and let you drive SAGA, tell you the world is round when you can even get lost in Bangi. Yeap. Get one and you get more than needed. Complimentary. Took me 22 years to discover that. and damn right theres more.

So at 22, I learned that you can plan life but dont get too confident getting it your way, take the turn when you feel a hunch gripping the edge of your lungs and always listen to your mom. Shes a pain sometimes but she shade your sun, shelter your rain and heal your sorrows. Changed by nature. But even if i have to change, ill be better. Ill change. Ill be better.

Happy 22nd Birthday Marni.

Wordkill

True.I hated them having privatised and corporates everything but I just cant get enough of them.My baseless hatred.

Wordkill - Epik High

숨이 막혔으면 해?
Do you want me to stop breathing?
눈이 감겼으면 해?
Do you want my eyes to close?
너로 가득했던 가슴에
큰 못이 박혔으면 해?
Do you want for a large nail to penetrate
The heart that used to be filled with you?
어둠 속에 갇혔으면 해?
Do you want me to be locked in the dark?
맘의 문이 닫혔으면 해?
Do you want the door to my heart to close?
따뜻하게 입맞추던
Do you want me to swallow the blood
Of the mouth that used to kiss me warmly?

모든 걸 망쳤으면 해?
Do you want me to mess up on everything?
모든 길이 갈렸으면 해?
Do you want all my paths to be forked?
너란 유리조각 파편에
두발을 담궜으면 해?
Do you want my two feet to be dipped in
The pieces of glass called you?
그토록 다쳤으면 해?
Do you want me to be hurt so much?
죽도록 아팠으면 해?
Do you want me to hurt till I died?
그저 이 사랑이란 가면에
상처를 감췄으면 해?
Do you want me to hide these scars
Under this mask called love?

너의 그 말 말 말
Those words, words, words of yours
그 잔인한 말
Those cruel words
가슴 아픈 말
Those heart-stabbing words
칼날 같은 말
Those blade-like words

너의 그 말 말 말
Those words, words, words of yours
그 잔인한 말
Those cruel words
날 울리는 말
Those words that make me cry
날 죽이는 말
Those words that kill me

Baby just shut up
Just shut up
Just shut up
Just shut up
Baby just shut up
Just shut up
Just shut up
Shh...

손이 묶였으면 해?
Do you want my hands to be tied up?
땅에 발이 묻혔으면 해?
Do you want my feet to be buried in the ground?
너로 울리키던 가슴에
분노가 뭉쳤으면 해?
Do you want the rage to ball up
Inside the heart that used to cry for you?
그림자를 숨겼으면 해?
Do you want me to hide my shadow?
죽은듯이 숨쉬었으면 해?
Do you want me to breathe as if I were dead?
서로 영원하자 믿던 하늘에
이별을 훔쳤으면 해?
Do you want me to steal the good-byes
From the skies we swore to for eternity?

무너지는 꿈꿨으면 해?
Do you want me to dream a broken dream?
고통 안에 춤췄으면 해?
Do you want me to dance within this pain?
너로 빛이 나던 나의 작품에
큰 불을 붙였으면 해?
Do you want to set fire
Onto the piece that used to shine with you?
모든게 뒤틀렸으면 해?
Do you want everything to be twisted?
끝으로 이끌렸으면 해?
Do you want me to be led to the end?
우리 운명이란 가는 사슬에
고리가 끊겼으면 해?
Do you want the link of the thin chain
Of our destiny to be broken?

너의 그 말 말 말
Those words, words, words of yours
그 잔인한 말
Those cruel words
가슴 아픈 말
Those heart-stabbing words
칼날 같은 말
Those blade-like words

너의 그 말 말 말
Those words, words, words of yours
그 잔인한 말
Those cruel words
날 울리는 말
Those words that make me cry
날 죽이는 말
Those words that kill me

Baby just shut up
Just shut up
Just shut up
Just shut up

Baby just shut up
Just shut up
Just shut up
Shh..

Should you to listen, do google it.Its good as its read.Im gonna stick with them for the moment yeh efi,aqis..afterall,whose gonna live up the old school if it aint the HIGHSKOOL yo.Live em up.

How do you live?

Its been a while.

Time come and go.How are things now?Progressed I bet.When I started this,I was still in college.Not much different now.Im still learning but in a different institution.Im learning to earn real money,a job,the bittersweet of life.Though I yet havent get to feel the joy and love of it but knowing that i might be able to pay off ptptn,the heave on my shoulder lightens a bit.I think.

I got the job by luck.True people.Luck.I got it by luck.See,some people could accept how on earth I was able to get a job.So there it is.Luck.Having the condition now, economic downfall and all,you should be grateful having a job.People get kick out and fired for no reason,irrevantly.But i hate mine.A part of me is telling me im not being grateful,a part of me is yelling at me for having to wake up at early dawn.So wrong yet so true.I hate it.I dont know why im presevering myself with this.The money?maybe.To bite off those saying im incapable of getting one?Definitely.But I hate the part I hate what Im doing.Really.But to think of it,everything is on me.Im the one to decide.To love and hate,to kill and create.Its on me and mine alone.

So.Just something to bear in this empty and hateful mind of mine.Great things dont start easy,great people dont just born great.They walk to greatness.They decide to be great.I should too.