Guilt grows, never disappear.
Somewhat a week after Eid Mubarak, my sister wanted to send a greeting card to my ucu in the UK. So she bought a nice card when we went shopping at Tesco. Because she had to go back to school (she stays at a hostel in a government boarding school), she asked if i could help to send it. I said OK. So she wrote what she wanted to say, get my whole sibling to write and sign it and gave it to me.
Somehow i got caught up with assignments and a couple of other things, i forgot all about her eid card. My mom wasn't really cooperating either. She told me to get the address from one of my aunt moving boxes. Because it sounded like a lot of effort, i postpone the mailing.
So happened we had a house clean day last Sunday and i found somewhat a foreign card with a foreign address on it and went YABAI!! I TOTALLY FORGOT like i was abducted by a decepticon, had my brain messed and brought back to earth. Whats worst is that I told her i already had it SENT!!! Double YABAIII!!! Its been two months since and with that aunt actually coming here, i don't see the point of sending anymore. So as not to be discovered, i thought of putting it away but it felt like a pity with such a nice card and excited messages. Instead of throwing it out, i thought shredding it would make me feel less guilty. So i did. But as the card being slowly pulled and shredded on the other end, my guilt multiple as much as the card shredded. I push it as deep as i could into the bin and when convinced i did, i went home.
I couldn't sleep the whole night.
What if my sister ask my aunt and find out? what would she say to me? should i convince her it was the postman's fault? Scribbled handwriting? I had thousands of these thoughts before i could actually sleep at 4am. I still am thinking of what kind of excuses to give her when she finds out. Cowardice, i know but i had to live.though out of guilt. Gomenne Alia.I'll post it the next time you ask me to. Honto gomen.